Part 1

 

Introduction

• What I changed from my first to second draft in the introduction is adding more personal statements as well as making my claim more clear.
• The opening sentence went from being how discourses effect people to a more general and eye catching sentence in the final about the differences of human cultures.
• I added more introduction to the sources which I used in the final draft by stating more of their beliefs and providing more background on what their papers were about and how I planned on using them.
• I did change my thesis as I took out resistance from my final draft as it only confused my ideas.

Evidence and Explanations

• I did change my quotes, in the meta-knowledge section of the papers. In the final draft I used the same authors but chose better and more descriptive sources to help promote my stance on the topic.
• In the mushfake paragraph I changed one of my quotations but still from the same author. It also just fit the paper better and allowed for better representation of my ideas.
• These changes were made because after review of my first paper I realized that I needed to be more specific and more personal while in my rough draft I was too factual and less individualistic. I restated too many things and did not give quotes that described my own claim, but quotes that proved the authors point. After realizing this I went back and found better quotes that backed what I was trying to say.

Reorganization

• The entire paper was moved around, nothing from the first draft was in the same spot in the second draft. In the first paper the order of the body paragraphs was mushfake, resistance, metaknowledge. While in the second paper resistance was completely wiped out due to it adding confusion to my thesis and metaknowledge was first followed by mushfake. All the quotes samed in the same general place but were moved due to added introduction and added explanations within the paragraph.

New Paragraphs

• Though my paper is indeed longer, it does not include any new paragraphs, in fact is contains less. I chose to get rid of an unimportant paragraph and replaced it with better written body paragraphs that supported my idea more than the paragraph I deleted.