INTRO/REVISED PARAGRAPH 1

Is modern schooling a system which allows for all to represent their individual forms of intelligence equally? No. The rate of learning and development of intelligence is one which is not constant for everyone. People learn at different speeds about different things at different times, which can pose a problem to institutions and schooling districts who have set rules and guidelines in which education fits into. The role of sponsorships for students such as schools is explained in Deborah Brandt’s article Sponsors of Literacy where she discusses different forms of sponsorships and their roles on literacy narratives. When students are asked in high school or college to about a particular moment in their life when literacy is very prevalent, many turn to the times which they feel literacy and education overall separated them from the group of their peers because of a deficiency in their literal capabilities. These students take the role of the “Outsider” narrative where they discuss how it was for them to be outcasts in the classroom due to a lack of school skills. The Outsider narrative is described and defined in Kara Poe Alexander’s article titled Successes, Victims, and Prodigies: “Master” and “Little” Cultural Narratives in the Literacy Narrative Genre. Within this article Alexander goes into depth on the types of literacy narratives which students write the most. In regards to the Outsider narrative as Alexander claims, these students discuss how they feel the other students look down upon them and believe they are less intelligent as well as less successful. As a compliment to Alexander’s explanations of literacy narrative formats, Browyn William’s article titled Heroes, Rebels, and Victims: Student Identities in Literacy Narratives discusses the issues and shifting identities that lie within literacy narratives. Most literacy narratives which follow the outsider guidelines stem from three major topics that lead to their removal from the norm. Students feel that they are ostracized when they either lack reading skills, writing skills, or are placed into an extra help classroom.  

What I changed

What I changed for this particular paragraph was a lot of the general wording as well as a lot of the punctuation. As well as this I added an explanation of the sources which I used. In order to do this, I described each of the sources and the authors where it fit within the introduction paragraph. What needs to be added next after this would be a review of all the remaining punctuation as well as a review of where the authors are placed in the paragraph.

REVISED PARAGRAPH 2

The concept of the modern education system somehow having an effect on a students chances of feeling like an outsider is not an attempt to attack and frown upon modern education. Though it is an attempt to take a step back from the average view of education to look at the vantage point that it does in fact cause outsider tendencies. When first entering school, rowdy adventurous children are suddenly stripped of freedom and forced to raise their hand to speak and ask to use the bathroom. This pulls the children out of their previous norms where back home they have more freedom. This sets them up for the structure of education which they will be accustomed to with age. Deborah Brandt discusses the compulsions of society by stating “As ordinary citizens have been compelled into these economics, their reading and writing skills have grown sharply more central to the everyday trade of information and goods as well as to the pursuit of education, employment, civil rights, status” (Brandt 166). Brandt goes into more detail about society than just education within this specific quotation, though she sums up the power which society hold on people, especially in how it controls education. This is where the primary issue ties back to modern school systems. They are specific, and teach subjects in only one way which is the way that is chosen to be most beneficial. But does the term most beneficial include all students? No. Outsiders are born out of the fact that they are not included in the majority of the students that benefit from the way schools set up education.

What I Changed

This is a completely new paragraph. After writing my paper I realized that there was a key portion missing, a description of the school systems affect on the outsider narrative.  I started off doing this by attempting to explain that I was not trying to bash the school system. Then I went into the standpoint of the school playing a role in producing outsiders. The important part of this paragraph is to open up a deeper explanation to what the school system can do to students.